Giving Perspective On Boundaries | NINE RETREAT


“Instead of asking why they keep doing it, ask why you keep allowing it.”

"A mentor once reminded me of this while I was trying to heal, but continued to focus on the wrong thing. She said I was putting my energy and attention on the wrong person. Why give energy to those who hurt me or those who don’t make me feel safe or empowered? I started asking myself, 'Why wasn’t I deserving of that energy?!' But I am, and YOU are too. You are deserving of the energy to GET well and BE well."

—Kym Ventola

The Boundary Manifesto

We have the right to recognize our missteps, without surrendering our self-respect. We can refuse to live in a state of regret or resentment, and insist on moving ourselves forward. It's only fair that we give ourselves the permission to stand firmly where "sorry" doesn't always have to happen, but understanding and growth can.

If we play the victim, the universe will gladly honor our request. 

While there will always be external forces that exist around us, it is our own choice to perceive them as being “for” or “against us.” Making a habit of seeing opposition as an opportunity to challenge ourselves gives us the power to change and grow. When external forces are aimed negatively in our direction, it is our choice to allow our strength and sight to be affected. We invite or decline the presence of destructive forces in our lives. Certain circumstances cannot be controlled, but we always have a choice to allow a circumstance to continue, or to walk away.

  • It is ok to say, "There will be no more of this towards me."
  • It is ok to say, "I am letting go, for my own health and happiness."
  • It is ok to say, “Thank you” instead of, “Sorry.”

Everything may happen for a reason, but it's rarely the reason you imagine. Those that are not in alignment with our purpose still have a place in our story. They are present in our lives only to shake us from our sleep. To guide us back to the path we were taking before our minds were clouded by fear, envy, shame, or anger. To remind us that expectations are often, whenever demanded, not met by the same standards we envision. The universe has a way of reminding us that we are not in control of it. We are only in control of ourselves.

Written by Amanda Dzuik

kym ventola